You root for a school for four reasons: Either you grew up near them, you followed them since you were kid, you went there or your kid is going there. And that's it. For instance, let's say that I decided tomorrow, "UCLA is a half-hour from my house and I like their uniforms ... screw it, I'm becoming a Bruins fan!" And I started going to football and basketball games and sitting with alumni and fans whose families had been following them for four generations. I mean, wouldn't that be a little weird? That's like showing up at some stranger's house for Thanksgiving and being like, "Hey, I'm in the family now! Pass the turkey!" I just couldn't do that and feel good about it.
(Confession time: I grew up a BC fan because my mom went there. My dad even had season tickets for the last two seasons of the Flutie Era. Then I got into Holy Cross and turned against them. Just think, if I had ended up going to BC, not only would I be a college football fan, I almost definitely would have served time for participating in one of their gambling scandals. Maybe it was for the best.)
A quick note before I start anything. The "if I had ended up going to BC..." should read "if I hadn't been rejected by BC and thus held a grudge against college athletics..." Pah-tay-toes, Pah-tah-toes. Warrants mentioning, right Billy?
Alright, so fast forward eight or nine months - the Clips are back in the shitter and the Celts are at the bottom of the NBA. Little Billy has nothing to look forward to and needs to look to the future. Enter the college game. We've seen not a single article on EPL soccer, yet Simmons has churned out blog after blog sack-tickling Kevin Durant, throwing the rest of the Longhorns under the bus and attempting to cover other topics he felt worthy to get to. He's even broadcast a few WCC games for ESPNU. Look, everybody, he's a real college basketball fan!
On behalf of college basketball fans everywhere, Simmons, please, please stop. I could (and, in some forums, have) go on and on pointing out your errors and sift through your writing for your stupidity, but I don't have the energy for that right now. All I ask is that you please, please not ruin this tournament. I know that realistically you hardly ever follow through on everything ("that's an entire column in itself...", Top whatever sports movies of all-time, having an intern, etc) and you'll probably cash out your chips with Oden and Durant this summer. And, ya know what? We won't miss you. Not a bit.
If it takes Kevin Durant in Celtic green, then fine. Maybe he'll flop and you'll switch your opinion on him like you've done to many others before (say hello, Al Jefferson and Rajon Rondo). Welcome to the asshat club, asshole. Trust us when we say that your induction is now long overdue.
-- RK
3 comments:
Cogent analysis, kask.
After not following college hoops, all of a sudden L'il Billy is an expert.
He even brags about knowing if Kevin Durant shaves his taint or not, fer crissakes!
We're two more members of the national media away from having the 2007 All-Asshat team. Billy Packer is obviously in the lead, based on past performance...but who takes the plunge first?
I've got my money on Hubert Davis joining the squad. Not at all foreshadowing as he hasn't bothered me yet, I just don't like his inexperience in March.
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